Child spirits - The Evidence
BY ALI NORELL - www.alinorell.com
In July 2014, our youngest daughter, Romy died suddenly aged just five months.
Grief blindsided us. It derailed our lives with callous disregard and thought nothing of shattering our hopes and dreams. For every person who exclaimed, 'I can't begin to imagine what you're going through', we wanted to reply, 'Ah, but you can. It is every bit as devastating and horrific as you imagine, and worse. But it is, after all, in your imagination. It is our reality.'
Up until Romy's death, I was a normal mother of young children. I had enjoyed a varied succession of careers (European tour guide, Events and Marketing for a US-based non-profit, PR for such British institutions as Battersea Dogs' and Cats' Home and the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, reflexologist, birth doula) and, following a decade of London living had happily stepped away from it all to bring up our family in the Sussex countryside.
From childhood, I had held a fascination with all things spiritual and paranormal, and had regularly sought out mediumship, healing and the like. I had, in fact, been in possession of some abilities since an early age and in later life made the choice to develop this to the point that I had given demonstrations of mediumship, sittings and healing sessions to friends and acquaintances. I kept this quiet in our new country life for fear of being labelled a 'hippy'. I was also adamant that this was not a career choice for me: that I did not wish to be in receipt of money for sharing these abilities that, for me, felt as run of the mill as reading a book.
When our daughter died, we were given unparalleled support and compassion from the close-knit community that surrounded us but, as one might imagine, while this gave enormous comfort and logistical help, it did not give answers to any of the many, deep and torturous questions that my husband and I had. And so, as I had so often done, I returned to the world of Spiritualism to try to gain these answers. It was not simple, nor was it easy. At first, my grief-fueled anger told me to turn my back on it, along with so many other facets of my life. I could not deal with people. I could not handle anyone presenting me with advice, sympathy or 'time heals'.
LISTEN TO ALI IN THIS INCREDIBLE EMOTIONAL INTERVIEW - PRESS IMAGE TO PLAY
However, over time I experienced incidents that made me turn to my previous spiritual interests as, one after the other, I began to notice things happening around me that I couldn't explain. Objects moved in our home. I had several dreams that appeared to be premonitions. I saw Romy, more than once. I began to question my grief, my mental state and my spiritual beliefs but still the incidents kept happening. In an attempt to make sense of it all, I began to write about them. When they became impossible to ignore, I sought sittings with professional mediums. The information I received corroborated what I experienced for myself so strongly that I had no choice but to accept them as reality; for myself at least.
Ultimately, I put my findings into a book, 'The Truth Inside' (O Books, 2019). I share with you here the nine key things I learned from my daughter's life and death.
Nine Things I Learned from my Daughter's Life and Death:
1.I do not believe that 'proof' or 'evidence' exists when we are talking about matters of the spirit.
The staunchest sceptic will find fault in everything while the believer will read 'signs' in the smallest detail. In the world of the paranormal, 'proof' and 'evidence' are slippery factors easily denounced. Most people who have had a brush with the paranormal will tell you that, regardless of whether they were a believer or a sceptic when it happened, they 'just know' that what they experienced was something 'other'. We need to be open minded, to have faith in our own instincts and, ultimately, to draw whatever positives we can from our experiences without caring about what others think. I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me one way or another whether people believe me or not. I am simply sharing experiences that feel real to me and which may offer hope to others. I know my own truth.
2.Death is not all that we think it to be.
As Byron Katie put it, 'Death has a terrible reputation.' Because we view it as a cruel separation of ourselves from our loved ones, death in our society is feared, rather than revered. In many other cultures and customs, it is viewed simply as a transition; a journey that calls for celebration. In The Truth Inside, I write about the moment of Romy's passing, at which I was privileged to be present. It's hard to put succinctly but I can honestly say that it felt as if there was an air of celebration in the room as her soul returned home to a welcoming circle of loved ones. Afterwards, here on earth, it was of course a different story, but I am grateful for this glimpse into the afterlife and often remind myself that it's very probable that wherever our loved ones do go from here, it is almost certainly better. It's not impossible to imagine that this realm is a very low one in spiritual terms. Think of the pain and suffering, the lack of compassion and understanding that exists in our world. And we talk of a 'hell'?
3.There is humour, even in the darkest situations.
We are led to believe that laughter in times of grief is disrespectful, unwanted and a little unhinged. For me, it provided some blessed moments of relief in a world in which the lights had well and truly gone out. It would, of course, be disrespectful to turn up at the home of a grieving family laughing and joking but sitting with one who grieves and offering gentle humour in everyday situations can offer them a much-needed release. Approaching a grieving friend or loved one with a total absence of fear allows them to feel safe in your presence and perhaps even to escape the prison of their grief for a while, to laugh while remembering, or at the sheer ridiculousness that sometimes surrounds the business of death. I can still remember the force of our laughter when meeting with the undertaker dealing with my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother was a very strong- minded woman and had been adamant that we were not to waste money on a fancy coffin when the time came. As the overly sympathetic and well-meaning undertaker's assistant asked my father, 'And what kind of casket would Mum like?', we could barely contain our hysteria as I shot back irreverently, 'Got anything in cardboard?' I can assure you, had my grandmother been present in bodily form, she would have been laughing too.
4.In grief, those who have become close can disappear, and those in the distance can move closer.
A childhood friend of mine attended my daughter's memorial service and promptly dropped off the face of the planet. All communication ceased. At first, I was deeply hurt, especially given that some complete strangers in the small village community we lived in had opened their hearts and homes to us, despite not knowing us well enough to really know what to do or say for the best. If your fear is holding you back from contacting a grieving friend or relative, simply say, 'I am truly sorry for your loss but I admit, I just don't know what to say to you.' This is okay. Acknowledging it is enough. And if someone does move away, this is their lesson to learn. It is not personal. Conversely, if you find yourself having to 'carry' someone who simply can't get away from telling you that your grief is reminding them of the time their parent/colleague/cat died, then take a respectful step back. It's your grief. Be selfish if you need to.
5.Anger is a part of grief.
Dr Elizabeth Kubler Ross famously identified the Five Stages of Grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Don't kid yourself that you've sidestepped anger. Do not become wedged in your anger. Allow yourself to feel angry but acknowledge it for what it is: anger at your lack of control, at your apparent inability to keep your loved one close to you. Anger at people and the world is misplaced. Try to remember to be kind to others and you will eventually find a way to be kind to yourself. As Barbara Bush remarked following the death of her young daughter, Robyn, ''The death of a child is so painful, both emotionally and spiritually, that I truly wondered if my own heart and spirit would ever heal. I soon learned that I could help myself by helping others." Once you feel ready, channel your anger into a positive focus.
6.There is always choice.
The Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.'
Two days after Romy's death, as I lay in bed contemplating taking some kind of drug to knock myself out, I had an epiphany. I realised that I could either stay in bed and be the woman who was never the same again after her child died, or I could get up, shower, get dressed and walk my son to school. My reason for this choice was primarily to show my children that no matter what happens in life, however impossible it may seem to merely function, your will is strong enough to move mountains. When facing a challenge, you have to face it head on. If you hide from it, it will find you. As time passed, I began to apply this philosophy to my life. I had choice! And choice is empowering. It can feel as if grief strips us of our choices, but life is a privilege and we can make a choice to live our life to the full, even if our loved one is no longer in it with us.
7. Our reason for being is to learn, and the lesson is love. Pure, unconditional love.
I was once told a story of a man lying in a hospital bed, waiting for his time to come. The nurse who sat with him said that, in the end, his face lit up, he breathed a long sigh and his final words were, 'I can see it so clearly now. It's all so simple.' I believe that the simplicity he spoke of was love. Love exists in many forms and on many levels. In our day to day life, we hear songs and poems speaking of the torture of true love or buy each other cards simpering trite expressions of it. However, as George Sand said, 'The truth is too simple, so we complicate the matter.' True love is simple. It is loving someone even when they have treated you poorly. Loving someone while walking away from them. Loving someone when you do not understand their behaviours. It is extending your love to those who have passed, even though you cannot see or interact with them in the way you used to. Most importantly, it is loving yourself, as you are, unconditionally.
8. We all 'know'. The truth is not 'out there' – it is in you.
Many are the people who seek spiritual gurus, soothsayers, seers and mystics. There is an understanding that such people hold The Truth, the meaning of life and the answers to everything. I know of several people who have consulted mediums with a fervour bordering on the religious, expecting that turning up every week to receive guidance and messages from the spirit world will somehow heal their sorrows and remove life's obstacles. Firstly, any decent medium worth their salt will not contemplate giving weekly sittings because they know that any guidance that may come from themselves or the spirit world is simply that: guidance. What's more, that guidance is as good as its interpretation, either by the medium, the sitter, or both. Nobody can make our decisions for us because we, as human beings, are in possession of free will. A popular modern-day title for spiritual leaders is often 'Light Workers' but I would say that we should all seek to work with the light. You may have heard of the so-called 'wounded healer', a reference to the fact that those who choose to work with the spiritual have often experienced great challenge for themselves, which makes them better able to see into others' issues with empathy.
Seeking knowledge from those with experience can yield great reward, but I subscribe to the idea that we are, somehow, born into this life with a certain knowledge of what exactly it is we have come to learn. We may learn from people, events or tragedies. We rarely learn from stagnant, unchanging situations. The learning lies in how we respond to each facet of our lives and therefore can only be within us.
9. Make it count.
A popular spiritual phrase tells us, 'We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.' Live the experience fully. Learn every lesson you can from it. What we learn radiates out to others. At the very least, it will enhance your life here on earth. And if there is a spirit realm, or an afterlife, it will enhance your eventual life within it as you will have succeeded in learning the lessons you came here to learn. If you are grieving, take a moment to breathe and be kind to yourself, then remind yourself that you can make a choice to life a meaningful, purposeful life in honour of your loved one. Once you do, a life full of light may unfold before you.
Ali has endured the hardest of losses and she’s not only surviving but is thriving. Authentic and real, this beautiful book of hope for us all not only touches the heart but opens the mind to a greater reality where love never dies. A wonderful read which speaks to the true healing potential of mediumship. Romy will be proud. - Claire Broad, bestselling co-author, Answers From Heaven
Is your Child a Psychic medium? READ NEXT
Categories:
0 comments on this article
Leave a comment
